Metting a Trolls Mother

Trolls. They make the internet…interesting? On Facebook I usually just ignore them. Why waste perfectly good wit on someone who thinks Jay Leno was good? I think people treat their Facebook pages differently. We all have our own rules that we follow. One of mine is that I don't go to a strangers page and post photos, memes, comments or links that I know will not be welcomed. As much as I think all religion is crazy I don't go to a Christians page and post those opinions there. I post them on my page. People who disagree are welcome to comment on my page about those opinions unless they become abusive or weird.

Its odd to me that people will leave comments on my page that are mean spirited and expect me to A) put up with it because, as hecklers at live shows also explain; You're a comic! and B) that I won't go to their page and leave comments. As I said, I've never really done that… until yesterday.

First, this is what I posted on my Facebook page-

Why is it when a major storm hits a liberally minded state its called a punishment from God for some sin but when Texas floods its just a natural disaster? Or maybe there is a God and he just answers prayers a little late. Remember a few years ago when Texas was suffering from a major drought? A big part of the state was literally burning with wild fires. Governor Rick Perry cut funding for fire fighting, because taxes are bad, and asked the people of the state to pray for rain. 
True story!
Well, now they have more rain then they know what to do with and the big debate isn't about improving their infrastructure to deal with a changing climate. Nope. Instead, its about allowing the open carrying of guns at schools.
I guess in a few years they can fire bullets at hurricanes, that clearly aren't punishments from a vengeful god, but also aren't a result of climate change bringing more extreme weather. Right?

This is when I met Matt. Here is the comment he posted-

"Why are all your posts politically motivated. Do the best at what you do and you can run politics and stop whining non stop on Facebook like you have something to prove."

After a few other friends responded by explaining that social-political commentary is what I sort of do he responded to them with this comment-

"Well apparently he needs a leno training on how to not set up every pol joke like hes venting something someone bent him over on as a child."

Just for once, I thought,  why don't I visit this guys page and leave a comment? Instead of calling him names or giving carer advice as he so generously did, I went sugary sweet sarcastic and posted this to his wall-

"Dear Matthew,
I want to apologize for whining on my personal Facebook page. You know, the one you asked to join when you friended me? You have taught me a valuable lesson. It is wrong to whine on your personal Facebook page but it is perfectly OK to go out of your way and let people know you think they are whining. Again, on their Facebook page. The one you friended. Anyway, thanks for making the Internet and society a better place. Because of your beautifully worded and concerned message I will try to no longer whine on my page.
Cheers."

Now of course Matt has friends and family and of course when they started to reply to my post on his wall I continued to reply to them in the same passive-aggressive grateful tone. It drove them nuts! No matter what anyone posted, swear words or insults, I replied as sarcastically sweet as I possibly could. It actually was sort of fun. I see why trolls do this sort of thing now. But here is the best part. After an hour or so of doing this imagine my surprise when Matt hadn't responded to anything yet but his mother did. Thats right, the trolls mother started to reply to comments and I just continued doing what I was doing. Nothing mean or weird, it was sort of sweet the way she defended her moron son, too. As the afternoon wore on into the early evening and the comments from his friends and his mom piled up, I had to get to a gig. As I walked in the door this is the message Matt sent me-

"Joe are you bored? Lol I love the bla bla bla you make me laugh your a comedian. My mother never talked to you so also love your new post typical joe just yapping on fb about all his problems (although all based off your world inside your head) if you want to be a comedian or a radio show pundit you better pick one way or the other soon lol then you won't have to be stuck in the middle wondering why both don't work"

I'm not one to judge things like spelling or grammar. I seldom get those things right so I'm not criticizing that. Still, I have no idea what he is attempting to say in this message. Trolls are like that. You post something thought out and the trolls leave comments you need a stupid to smart translator to figure out. But again, why waste the time on this little project, right? Heres why.

Eventually, one of his friends or someone enjoying the whole thing posted on Matt's page that I'm actually pretty funny. Most of his friends, and mom, thought I was being rude, weird and strange.
I decided it was time to end this by posting, "you mean its rude to go to someones Facebook page and leave outlandish comments? Hmmmmm. Interesting. In fact, to show how annoying trolls are I decided to troll your page all day and everyone here was too dense to realize it. P.S. I might be whining on my Facebook page but at least I don't have my mommy fight Facebook battles for me that I started."

Thats right, I decided to troll a troll in the hopeful belief that maybe next time, before he leaves a poorly worded alphabet soup of stupid on someones post, he thinks twice about doing it. Who knows if that will work. I doubt I'll do it again and if I ever do I doubt the persons mommy will jump in to defend their offspring. Still...holy shit that was funny!

Trolls, stupid comments, mean spirited debates and slightly blurry memes represent a lot of whats passing for communication & connection over the Internet. We have built this incredible tool that gives access to the sum total of human knowledge but the most active people on the web often times feel like spokespeople for why our society isn't better.

As a watcher of documentaries on YouTube its more fascinating to read the comments section sometimes. I don't know why ignorance has the loudest voice on YouTube but if you have ever spent more than a few minutes watching stuff there, you know exactly what I mean.

Late last night I watched a documentary on the failed expedition of Sir Ernest Shackleton to the Antarctic. It has to be one of the most amazing true life survival stories there is. From 1914-1916, 27 men attempted to sail to the icy continent, cross it and endure the adventure. Everything went wrong. They lived on the ice for more than a year, sailed one of the most turbulent seas in the world in tiny life boats, hiked 36 hours across an unmapped island and eventually after Shackleton made it to safety, it took three tries to get a ship and rescue the remaining men he left at a beach on another uncharted island.
All of the men survived. Like I said, its a pretty incredible story. I highly recommend checking it out. Anyway, the point is that these are the most popular comments left for this hour and a half PBS created documentary.

"I would have been so scared if i was there ....and if i was the only woman ...well...one can only imagine what some of the men would do !"

"thankfully a woman would never be chosen for an expedition such as this as they don't have the mental or physical strength to survive..."

"I'd like to see a group of women attempting this. Fat chance haha."

"LESBIAN FUCKWIT."

Trolls. You have to have a small mind and possibly even a smaller dick to start puking stupid in the comments section of a documentary that is a testament to what the human spirit can endure. Study after study about this sort of thing on the Internet tells us that people leave these comments because they can. The chance of ever meeting the person you left an insensitive comment for in the "real world" is slim. So slim that why not type out the cruelest thing you can think of? All this modern communication technology has exposed a mean spirited streak in human nature. Nothing too surprising there. What amazes me time and time again about this is the fact that it takes effort to be a dick. If you don't agree with someone then you don't agree. If you aren't interested in reasonable conversation but instead are looking to get a rise out of people, like Matt the Troll with his overprotective Mom, you are the problem. Also, if a stand-up comic is making you angry about something you believe in, its not the comics fault that you cannot articulate why it bothers you. That probably means the comedian exposed something in your faith, beliefs or concept about the world that terrifies you because...its true.