Jon Did a Show.

This story is fictional. Its about a performer named Jon. It is in no way based upon anyones actual experience. Got it?

Jon did a storytelling show. He signed what he thought was a contract to have his performance recorded for a future podcast of that show. Jon was surprised when the producer of that show sent him a message about the producer of a much larger company with a bad reputation wanting to use that recording on one of their shows. Jon said, "No fucking way! They are a company that has exploited stand-up comics for content without any monetary compensation. Besides, I don't feel comfortable having my authentic performance edited down for someone else to comment on as they expand their own fame and make money from what I have provided while I am struggling to make ends meet!"

Many emails were exchanged. The company purposed a one time fee upfront and then a 50/50 split on any and all possible profits across all platforms. They also said, hey why don't you come in for this new thing we are doing and we will pay you for that, too. 

Jon went to the building. It was a typical office building today. The lobby was the most aggressively unfriendly place Jon had walked into. All marble and art installation with no seats, soul or security guard at the front desk to let you up stairs. When the guard finally appeared and sent Jon to the floor he needed to be at, he was asked to sign a non-disclosure agreement so he wouldn't reveal any secrets he might see on this special floor. 

There was nothing special there. 

The thing Jon has been asked to do is simply make fun of something. Yet, the host of the show isn't in the same room as any of the other people also contracted to make fun of things. The host is elsewhere but live via the wonders of the Internet. Jon thinks to himself, this is a stupid way to foster chemistry between people but hey, this is how they want to do it so he does it.

After doing the thing the company asked him to do and handing them the contract they asked him to sign, Jon waited for his check. When it didn't arrive in what seemed like a fair amount of time to wait Jon emailed the contact at the company and was told he needed to submit an invoice. Jon thinks to himself, why didn't they tell that to me when I handed them the signed contract that day? Then Jon thinks, is being paid in a timely manner for your performance an old school way of thinking in business? 

It shouldn't be.

As Jon leaves the building that day, after someone from the company sat down with him to explain what a great deal he is getting for his recording, he waits at an elevator. A man child looking at his phone looks up, sees Jon, then looks down again and says to Jon, "I haven't seen you in a while." Jon thinks to himself, it doesn't seem like you are seeing anything and perhaps I haven't been around because I am actually traveling the world, performing stories and jokes, making people laugh and…who the fuck are you again?

When Jon gets home there is a letter from a company that recorded a CD of his. Sure, the clubs air-conditioning wasn't working so the audience, waving anything they could find to create a breeze, didn't respond all that great to never miss bits and sure, Jon was lied to when he asked about turning the air on full blast before the show started (they didn't have any air-conditioning) and Jon sees that the royalties accrued so far haven't reached the threshold of $25 before they send a check out for a work of art he isn't proud of, but Jon thinks to himself, I'm sure that theatre in town will get back to me after that unexpectedly well attended story show the day after a major holiday in America, but no. They don't get back to him and so far Jon hasn't seen a single dollar from that show either. Jon gets mildly depressed but the next day a letter from Comedy Central shows up! So far, the show he was on forever ago, hasn't reached the place yet where Jon can expect royalties from them either. Discouraged, Jon contemplates suicide. Don't worry, people. Jon can't afford a gun.